Being selfish and Pain

I do not think that I am a selfish person, actually I would like to think that I am the opposite of selfish.  Now don't get me wrong there are moments when I am selfish, however I am usually willing to go out of my way for people and I try to take care of others a lot more than taking care of myself. This is usually not a big issue except when I stop taking care of myself, and recently, I have been thinking, that I have stopped caring for myself. Specifically, I have been willing to put a lot of other things before my health. I do this in several ways, by staying in my office late, eating unhealthy things because I don't plan well and I am busy, and skipping gym time for work and other things. I love my work and put everything into my work!  I will go out of my way to help residents and staff to make their experience the best it can be.  If someone needs me, I am there and helping.  This is a great quality about me and one that I am proud of.  I come for some very hard workers in my family and proud to say I am one of them as well.  However, when I don't match my commitment to work with my commitment to myself, I start to gain weight.  I was my heaviest when I never put myself first, and I came to Iowa and became a full time student and I was able to focus on myself and how to make myself healthy, and I lost 90 pounds in my year and a half.  Then I took my HD job again, and I have not lost anything since them and gained a lot of weight back.  I am still down net pound wise, but not where I want to be.  So I need to get back on track.

Now the past two to three weeks have been crazy and I am not sure when I could have gotten to the gym and I have been losing weight these weeks - which is impressive I think!  But if I could have done more workouts or physical activities I could have lost more.  Plus I have not been watching my diet at all.  But still lost weight - surprisingly.

On top of everything, I am starting to have more pain in my body.  My back is hurting (still) and I scan't get it to loosen up.  This makes everyday activities unpleasant not to mention working out and weight lifting.  I know that I have to get back on a regular chiro and massage schedule and that will help!  Also more functional exercises will help me our greatly.  My knees are starting to hurt again and I think it has to do with my weight gain and the fact that I am in a regular workout routine so it hurts when I am exercising.  I have to push through the pain while still trying to be aware of when the pain is disfunction.

I say all of this to say, I have started planning on being a little more selfish (in a good way) and making my way back to the gym and exercise more.  Soon I will be on 2 volleyball teams (one on Tuesdays and one on Friday/Sundays) - which will help with being more active.  For 6 weeks I will be on a Thursday team.  The downfall is I will miss some Cardio Dance classes but I love volleyball and playing with my friends so it is fun and exercise.  I am planning to go to the gym more and stacked my meetings and schedule allowing me time to get to the gym.  I have said that I will not do meeting that interfere with my workouts and volleyball schedule.  This is just a first step towards putting myself first, and I will keep walking that journey while balancing my job, friends, and life!

Mindset

I have a scrolling background on my computer with pictures and motivational images.  This is one of the images and I honestly love what it is saying, however its a little painful right now.  I know how to lose weight and what works for my body - its a simple as adding and subtracting.

Add: 
 More exercise
 Veggies
 Lean Meats
 Smoothies

Subtract
 Fatty Food (esp. fried)
 Gluten
 Desserts

If I know this why is it so hard to implement?  Part of it is just time and motivation!  I was a full time student with 20 hour a week assistantship so I could go to the gym regularly (sometimes twice a day) and love it.  Now I work a full time job (40+ hours) and want some personal time and time to do social things and the gym is a lot of work and time to get in.  There are a lot of other issues but those are for other blogs.  I have picked a motivational song (saw this idea on someone's Facebook page) so play anytime that I do not want to go to the gym so it gets me pumped up!  Its worked last week so I am going to keep up this strategy and make it work.  However, the next two weeks are going to be a little crazy when it comes to getting to the gym with closing and CA training.